men’s Fire Circle agreement

Men’s Fire Circle Agreement

1. PURPOSE AND INTENT

The Men’s Fire Circle is a space to cultivate mutual support, personal growth, and a deepening connection to ourselves and one another. Our collective aim is to create and maintain a safe and sacred environment for men to share, listen, and grow together.

2. PRIOR AGREEMENT

  • Sobriety: Men must arrive sober—free from alcohol or recreational drugs—for the safety of all.

  • Attendance: It is helpful for us to know who is coming along ahead of time. If you are unable to attend, inform us as soon as possible so we can make necessary adjustments.

  • Voluntary Participation: Attending the circle is voluntary, and each man takes full responsibility for his own participation and well-being.

  • Free Sharing: This is a non-profit group; there is no financial exchange for attending.

  • Honesty: While men are encouraged to be honest with themselves and the group.

3. CIRCLE AGREEMENT

Safety and Respect

  • Creating Safety: We will work together to create and maintain a safe space where each man feels held and supported.

  • Equal Standing: All men are equal in the circle—there are no exceptions.

  • Confidentiality: Everything shared within the circle remains confidential. We ask that men respect the privacy of the other men.

  • Abuse-Free Zone: No forms of abuse will be tolerated—physical, emotional, intellectual, verbal, or otherwise, including self-abuse. Commitment to the Circle Process

  • Timeliness: We ask that you hold an intention to arrive between 6:45pm and 7:00pm and be seated promptly by 7:00 pm. If you’re running late, we ask that you notify us in advance. Lateness could limit other men’s allocation in sharing.

  • Commitment to Growth: Each man agrees to commit to learning, listening, and embracing the process of self-exploration.

  • Non-Debating: One man speaks at a time. Do not debate others. This is a space for each man to explore and share his own experience, which may evolve over time.

  • No Obligation to Share: There is no obligation to share anything that you’re not ready to share. If you choose not to participate in an activity, that is fully respected.

Guidelines for Interacting

  • Facilitator’s Role: The facilitators role is to guide the circle, uphold the agreement, maintain the integrity of the space and to keep time.

  • Listening Fully: It is the responsibility of each man to listen attentively, with as much presence as possible. If you have a question, wait until the man has finished speaking and then raise your hand to signal you wish to ask a question from a place of curiosity.

  • Reflect on Reactions: If you witness a man in discomfort or pain, reflect on your own internal reactions. What does this bring up for you? This is a signal for personal growth and self-awareness.

  • Use of Questions: Use questions to gain understanding, avoiding “why?” questions. No advice is to be given. If asked, help the man discover his own answers with compassion and directness.

Example:

Man: “What should I do if my partner says I should pay more attention to her?” Possible response: “What would you say to a friend in that situation?”

  • Use of Language: Avoid “should” or similar phrases. Instead, use “I” statements to express your own feelings, thoughts, and emotions (e.g., “I feel...” or “I am thinking...”).

  • Emotional Awareness: Be open to your own feelings and thoughts as you listen. Recognize and welcome them, writing them down if helpful to stay present.

  • Praising: We ask that men refrain from praising as it can trigger men especially the “good boy” & “well done” approach. Instead, we support the more healthy form of expression of honesty in sharing how another man’s experience has touched us: Example: “what you just shared brought up the feeling of joy in me, thank you for sharing what you just did” or “I really love what you just said / did”.

Respect for the Circle’s Integrity

  • Sacred Space: The circle represents the sacred symbol of life. Move in a clockwise direction when outside the circle, respecting its nature.

  • Naming and Confidentiality: If referencing another man’s experience to others outside of the circle, do not name him or share details that could identify him. Refer to him as “the man” or similar to protect privacy.

4. ACCOUNTABILITY AND VIOLATIONS

Violations: If any man violates the agreement, it may jeopardise the safety of the group. In such cases, the facilitator may ask the individual to leave the circle, after careful consideration of everyone’s safety.

We look forward to welcoming you at the fire circle and leave you with a poem:

THE GUESTHOUSE; BY RUMI

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.